Nov 25th

re-inventing the wheel, again. or the blog that never was!

By monty stone

us 'retirees', (euphemism for 'west-ward' bound!) have WAY too much time to muse on what-ifs, what could be-s or cood-a bins. anyway, i was 'musing' on the huge amount of 'Trikeology' there must be in this sites archives, but more or less inaccessable, without some kind of reference index. such as 'Rotax, wing info, training available, regs, how to, where to , why to, etc,etc.'newbies' that wish to learn or ' oldbies' who have forgot could then take advantage of the experience of others in the 'Trikeing world. i'm abyssmally ignorant about sites, (in addition, i'm told,about other things, too!) so have no idea whether  such an index exists, or could exist. other sites i use have such a provision listed as 'maintenence, repairs, data, etc, etc. therefore, re-inventing the wheel, or, the blog that never was...................                                                                                                                                                          ps. kinda like the road sign my wing-tip hit in mexico, i swear it read " ignore this sign". i did, but my wing-tip didn't.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  freezier ballsoff

Nov 1st

AT LAST!

By monty stone

    i hear that TESLA is considering building a 'self- flying' trike for 'transitioning' pilots who don't get 'push right-go left, and 'push the other way and go the 'other left', ( or is it the other way?) i don't get it! ( the trike instructors' union, T.O.W.D. short for 'the other way, dummy!) is bitterly opposed to TESLA'S plan and is considering sending a protest e-mail, via Hillary's server. this is only a rumor!!!!!!!!!!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            freezier ballzoff                                                                                                                                                                                   ps, T.O.W.D. not to be confused with T.O.A.D. which is ' trike owners are discriminating!

Oct 10th

when are 'they gonna'.

By monty stone

when are 'they' gonna quit putting power cords on portable tools, why not fit each tool with a twist-lock socket, that way you'd only need ONE power cord, it'd alleviate any possible copper shortage, and we could then 'stuff' more tools in our drawers. when are 'they' gonna quit telling us to be sure to smear never-seize on our rotax exhaust joints when 'they' know that the first flame front will burn it out, immediately. when sales adds proclaim 'was $29!, now reduced to $9. it wasn't selling at the 'old' price, maybe over-priced at the 'new' price. do 'they' think we're the gullible stupidos 'they' think we are? maybe we are! why do we ask (usually strangers) "how are you" ?, when we REALLY don't give a rat's arse how 'they' are, and if they try to tell us how they are we interupt , quickly, and make a mental note NEVER to be sociable to anyone ever again! aviators refer to their 'control area ' as a 'cockpit', this seems to defy the present day 'let's be gender-specific world' so what should a female pilot's control area be called? .... when meeting 'furriners' for the first time i always get them to teach me their best swear-words. being able to swear in many different lingos has landed me into, and out of, several 'sticky' situations!  we have, on occasion, discussed what it is that we fly, resulting in 'they' refering to them (fed speak) as 'flexible-winged aircraft of the weight-shift variety', when we all know they'r really TRIKES! when are 'THEY' gonna get it right!..............frazier ballzoff

May 14th

TRIKES 2030? PROGRESS?

By monty stone

ok, since some old 'talian guy, name of D'VINCI put out some DIY plans for a hang-glider ( old sepia videos show his 'test pilots' being hurled from the battlements to 'refine' his latest mods) (on youtube) ('those magnificent men') there have been some improvements, i.e. engines, airframes, materials etc. But, apart from 'leonardo d'mednick', with his use of fancy c.n.c. bits and other forward thinking design work, ( blatent arse-kissing here, i've offered to take away   FREE a scratched or dented REV ( I LOVE THOSE PHAT TIRES!) from his junk pile, preferably yellow.) there is still MUCH to be done! there ain't been the quantam leap that we are all holding our breath and waiting to see! for instance why aren't wing ribs (batterns) pumped up and down to change wing contour? (like my varicose veins). ON-BOARD AUTOMATIC WING FOLD/EXTEND DEVICES , LIKE BIRDS,  would be 'nice'. birds woulda gone extinct if  they had to remove their wings and store 'em in a bag between flights.  i expect even more 'odious regs' to be in force, some good some not. flying will never be as safe as 'bingo', for instance (though i did witness an old lady bash a guy with her 'marking' pen, 'cos he upset her board!) .' falling from the sky' will no longer be tolerated,  but with mandatory transponders, elt's,  REALLY BIG AIRBAGS, chutes or retro-rockets etc your significant other, and loan company can sleep easier! the chute, or rocket, will be hooked via satelite to a huge 'HAL' computor underground somewhere in UTAH, ( and thus safe from some 'rolly polly' arsehole from N/korea in case he tries to ruin our runways, as well as everything else!) and will deploy, from afar, if we decide to crash our, by then, 200k$ trike. saving both trike and 'tax paying', and thus FAA funding passengers. that's phase one, phase two the NTSB will arrive at your 'landing site', WITHIN MINUTES, with both    refreshments and'paperwork' to sign. i'm pretty sure that bolluminum will give way to composites, both in 'chariot and wing. whitewall tires? california and florida trikes only.  power ?, even though burning old fossils to turn that big fan will continue, with cat converters and any other ' gadgetry ' the ecology boys can come up with, to make it like you never burned ANYTHING, will make electric the 'norm', with the whole wing covered in solar cell fabric and 'super batteries range will be adequate.  the down side of the computer hook-up is an easy way for 'big bro' to enforce regs, if your bi-annual is due, the engine won't start, till you do it. the fun-factor of trikeing will still be there, but not like it was. by 2030 i'll be 95 + and probably won't need a REV! what am i missing, cigar lighter? collision-avoidance module? cruise control? reverseable prop, for backing into the hanger? frappoccino spigot? bum warmers? cupholders? etc ................................................................freazier ballzoff                         

 ps. my use of the term 'trike' is 'cos it's easier to type than 'FLEXIBLE WINGED AIRCRAFT' and is friendlier.

PPS. WITH 'ELECTRO-TRIKES, AND THE LATEST 7 BLADE' SCIMITAR' PROP, COATED WITH 'OWL FEATHER PAINT' THE MILITARY WILL BE USING THEM FOR 'CLANDESTINE' OPS ! BUT 'FLY-BYE' SHOOTINGS BY LUNATIC TRIKE-GANGS WILL BE ON THE INCREASE. THE PRICE OF 'PROGRESS', I SUPPOSE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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May 9th

HA HA!

By monty stone

     WHATS A PIRATE WORTH?...............   A BUCCANEER !                                                                                                                                                                                                          (MY GRANDAUGHTER INSISTED I TELL EVERYONE HER JOKE)                                                                                                                                                                                            

May 3rd

roof landing

By monty stone

yep, even though there has been much verbage expounded, at length on site regarding starting an 'empty' trike without making sure it can't 'run away' it happened, yesterday. a trike, here at my home muni field, arlington washington.  channel 4 news showed an 'airplane' (quote) on top of a row of hangers. they said the pilot was injured, fortunately not badly, trying to stop it from taking off without him, but the 'plane' finished up on the roof. from the video it was obviously a n-numbered 2 seat 'naked' trike with a destroyed wing, etc. i'm not sure who the pilot is, but as stated he's not badly injured, though with that big fan spinning around he sure could have been. i personally never hit that magic 'go' button without me sitting in belted and aimed at open sky. you poor bastards that  don't have electric start and HAVE to start from outside make DAMN sure that front tire is up against the QUEEN MARY or something heavy enough to prevent a 'problem'. no doubt 'big brother' will be investigating this 'incident' with all that incurs, oh well, you can take a horse to water, but you can't make him water-ski  or whatever you wanted him to do.  if anyone plans on starting his empty trike with full throttle PLEASE have somebody video it , it's a great 'spectator sport'.                       freazier ballzoff.        ps. the reporter also said the hanger was not badly damaged! ( phew! that's a relief!) pps also they didn't mention the 'ulttralight' word! which woulda' pissed off the 'flex-wing' crowd!

May 2nd

KEN AND THE WEEDHOPPER

By monty stone

ken and i drove the 600mls to lake alvord in south east oregon, his ford 'exploder' dragging a huge trailer with my weedhopper tied on it. when we were about twenty miles away from the lake, mostly dry, i had a brain-phart, why not fly the rest of the way! so, we assembled the ultralight and i prepared to take-off. it was by now almost dark, no moon. no sweat, i had never flown at night but how much different can it be! i had installed a huge instrument panel with every  switch and dial i could find (i' was the kid that had playing cards twanging against his bike's spokes just to make noise!) also i had rigged a spotlight on top of the panel controlled by a 12volt flasher. the windshield was dusty and the prop was light colored wood. as soon as i took off from the dirt road i realized that having a mega million lumens reflected into my eyes every two seconds wasn't gonna work, so gropeing under the panel i started yanking wires till the light went out. phew! thats better. but not much, it was now really dark, out front was inpenetrable gloom. below was kens lights and a boiling dust cloud. i settled in about 100ft behind him just above the dust, doing ok till some power-lines whipped past a few feet below me. that got my attention!, i promptly backed off power and landed. ken stopped and came back demanded " what's up "? i said it's too dark, we'll have to park here till dawn. "bullshit" says ken, we've only got a few miles to go. "i'll take it". so he did. he made better time than me flying cross country rather than following the 'road'. he arrived over the lake long before me, i had planned on giving him my headlights to land by but was still a few miles away. fortunately a couple was camping out  on the dry lake and hearing the 'brang-dang' of the rotax realized that somewhere up there was a snowmobile or something that needed to land so they switched their van's lights on and ken 'set her down'. ken admitted to me that my decision  to land was a 'correct call'. he said that untill the couple lit up a bit of the lakebed he couldn't tell 'wet from dry'. we flew the 'piss' out of that weedhopper for three days , burnt twenty gallons of fuel, dropped an empty five gallon gas can with a home made parachute from 3k above the lakebed, all kinds of stupid stuff! ah! the good times!       freazier ballzoff    

 

 

 

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Apr 29th

NO 'EPH' ?

By monty stone

yep, the 'eph' on my notepad's keyboard is rephusing to phunction, phrequently. at phirst it was phairly inphrequently, but now it's very ophten. microthopht thuckth ! uh oh, now the 'eth' is going the same way! soon i'll be 'eth' less as well as 'eph' less, very phruthtrating!      phreazier ballzoph.                                                                       

Apr 25th

'SHUT-UP AND STEER'.

By monty stone
  • way back in a previous century, ken and i were flying a beaver ul doing a freebie promotional photo-shoot of 'boris' and his 'bulldog' engine-out-front gyro. ken was 'taping' with this humoungous camcorder perched on his shoulder, they recorded directly to vhs cassettes, and were about the size of a fiat ( fellow geezers will remember them). i 'had the stick' out back and couldn't see much of where the sharp end was headed, so was attempting to mantain 'spatial orientation' by looking out the sides and trying to respond to kens terse instructions. "left" "right" "up" "down", etc. we had intercom but no radio, so had no idea what 'boris' would do next, and gyros are able to 'stop' in mid-air, together with the 'barge like' handling of the plane it was getting quite interesting! ken had one eye glued to the viewfinder, the other shut, and  as i was a fairly low-time airplane driver i began to realize my 'mortality was at risk here! then we hit some 'moderate' burbulance. i immediately whined to ken "hey ken, it's getting bumpy". he said " do you want me to take it ?". i said, "no, i just thought you should know". he said " then shut-up and steer". so i did. ken is now a captain for alaska airlines, i don't know what became of 'boris' and his 'bulldog' , but as i now just fly a 'driver only' trike i can't whine to anyone about 'bumps' and i just have to 'shut-up and steer'.  freazier ballzoff.                                                    

Mar 3rd

AGAIN

By monty stone

if you start bleeding from your ear-hole, check you haven't mixed your tooth-picks in with your Q-tips, again. if your toothpaste tastes 'funny', check that you haven't picked up your 'hemmeroid cream' by mistake, again. if your shirt has it's pocket on the inside, check the label, that also might be stitched on the 'wrong' side, again. if you are pressed for time don't walk up the 'down' side of an escalator, again...............................................freazier ballzoff